9.19.2005

Arrrgh!

Today is a very special day in the Nateblogg - National Talk Like a Pirate Day. The Nateblogg loves pirates - they are the grace note of grace notes, never particularly useful but always welcome and amusing (See Dodgeball - you'll know what I mean). Pirates are like ice cream - who could be against either one? Therefore, in observance of Talk Like a Pirate day, I submit the following as my brand new "pirate joke", courtesy of Eric Vogler:

A pirate walks into a bar and sits down on a stool. The bartender looks over at him and sees that he has a steering wheel coming out of his pants. Since the pirate seemed to want to keep to himself, the bartender initially kept his distance, but his curiosity got the better of him, and he strolled over to the pirate.

He asked the pirate, "Can I get you anything to drink?"

The pirate sat still, staring off into space. After a few awkward seconds, the bartender put the question to him...

"Do you know that you have a steering wheel coming out of your pants?"

The pirate turned, squinted at the bartender with his one good eye, and gruffly answered...

"Arrrgh, it's drivin' me nuts!"

(For other pirate related writings, follow the link...)

9.17.2005

Ohio State Diary: Saturday

Note: I kept a minute-by-minute diary of the entire day where Jacob Levine and I went to the Michigan-Notre Dame game and the Texas-Ohio State game in the same day. What follows is a narrative, with bits and pieces of the diary mixed in. Like the other parts of the Nateblogg, it's a little bit like flinging turds at a wall and seeing which ones stick, so we'll all see if it works. And on to the entry...

Relaxing in the bathtub in a Columbus motel room at 1:30 last Saturday night, I started laughing. Jacob had already crashed on his bed in the other room, worn out and sick, so I doubt he heard me. For the first time that day, it began to sink in. We did it, and so did the Texas Longhorns...

Our day started 23 hours earlier, when we stepped out the door of the apartment where Jacob and his wife Ali live, jumped into our rental car, and began the first leg of our journey, from Louisville, Kentucky to Ann Arbor, Michigan. We loaded the "Vince Young and the Longhorns Comin'" CD into the dash and took to the highway.

4:17 AM - After Jacob went to bed late last night, I talked to his wife Ali for awhile. I complimented her on the apartment, which was spotless and tastefully appointed, and she replied, "Well, Jacob does all the cooking and cleaning. He never advertised this when we were dating." I was taken aback by this - when I lived with Jacob (and 8 other guys) in the BYX house in college, Jacob had the messiest room by far, and here he is, seven years later, keeping his apartment immaculate, so much so that they won an interior decorating contest in their apartment complex (!). I guess a man in love will do anything...

I dozed off before the CD was done, and Jacob drove us north through the wee hours of the morning. He told me later in the day that he took three Vivarin in Louisville and four more in Ann Arbor, which begged the question: Hadn't he seen the episode of Saved by the Bell where Jesse Spano became addicted to caffeine pills? Wasn't he afraid of self-destructing while singing an incoherent rendition of "I'm So Excited"? These are the things I wonder about when I'm on the road...

Here are a few tidbits about Jacob, for those who know him and those who don't:

1) Jacob is (still) a meticulous planner. He brought along a manila folder neatly organized with Mapquest directions for each leg of our journey and my flight itinerary.
2) Jacob, one of the biggest wrestling fans I ever new, hasn't followed the WWE in about five years. If you own stock in the WWE, I would suggest that you sell it as soon as possible...
3) Jacob still can't drive a stick shift, saying, "Since they invented something that does the shifting for me, why do I need to learn?" Every man should be able to drive a stick shift. This is important. Needless to say, I am greatly vexed...

We arrived in Ann Arbor at about 7:15, and parked the car in a driveway one block from the Michigan campus (Jacob had arranged it through a woman he knew at work.). By 8, we were tailgating with Chris, Dan, Ivan, and Jason, Jacob's friends from Nashville, on the golf course next to the Big House. The atmosphere was festive - there were thousands of Michigan fans cooking all manner of meat. The weather was spectacular - the sky was brilliantly blue and the sun shone brightly on the towering spruces and maples. The folks next to us played washers and cornhole, which is essentially washers with beanbags. A gentleman came up to us and offered to sell us a "[censored] the Irish" shirt and a "Hey Rudy, Up Yours!" shirt (I thought about getting it for Kelly, who adores Sean Astin, but didn't have the cash on me...).

I was curious to see how we would be received in Ann Arbor after Vince ran all over the Wolverines in the Rose Bowl. Dressed in our burnt orange garb, we got one of the following two reactions:

1) "You guys are at the wrong [censored] game!" (We're going to ours too...) or
2) "Beat the [censored] out of Ohio State!" (We plan to.)

The Michigan fans treated us well (more on this later). We were welcomed and wished luck by virtually everyone we met. Since we were playing Ohio State that day, I guess they considered us allies...

9:58 AM - I understand that the Port-a-Potties are not a good option, so Dan, who resembles a tall midget in his proportions, has crawled into the car to pee in a Gatorade bottle. Just thought I'd mention this.

At 11:30, our tailgating finished, we walked across the street among a crowd of thousands from the golf course to the Big House. The Big House (also known as Michigan Stadium) seats more people (107,501) than any football stadium in America, and seats them all in one vast bowl of maize and blue. Our seats were even with the goal line, 20 rows up, which I though afforded an excellent view. The fans around us were friendly, classy, and laid-back. We joined with them to root for the Wolverines whole-heartedly.

The pre-game ceremonies were old-fashioned. The band came onto the field playing the Michigan fight song "Hail to the Victors." The drum major bent back to touch his head to the turf, like a contortionist, and the crowd cheered. The team came out and touched a simple cloth "Michigan Football" banner in the middle of the field. For the national anthem, we were blessed with the booming voice of an Irish tenor three rows behind us. The Michigan Wolverines then kicked off to Notre Dame, and we were off.

Notre Dame moved the ball down the field with ease on their first drive, running and passing the ball at will for a touchdown. After this, the game settled into a monotonous pattern of one team punting it to the other, which allowed us to chat with the fans around us. When told of our plan, they warned us repeatedly about the nastiness of the Ohio State fans. A sampling of their caveats to us:

"They will riot no matter what the outcome."
"The police in Ohio will pull over anyone with an out-of-state plate."
"You guys have a Kentucky plate on your car? You may be okay..."
"You may want to bring a hardhat - they throw batteries, you know."

In the second quarter, Michigan kicked a field goal and the Irish added another touchdown to make the halftime score 14-3 Irish. The Irish defense looked good - this was almost the same Michigan team that hung 37 on an excellent Longhorn D in the Rose Bowl. The crowd was quiet, but not nervous.

1:48 - Michigan band halftime show:

Rock & Roll - Led Zeppelin
The Final Countdown - Europe (never an encouraging sign when a band has a geographical name...)
You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC
Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
Hail to the Victors

Very sharp. The student section is singing along to Bohemian Rhapsody, thanks to Mike Myers. By the way, if I ever move to Michigan, I'm naming my firstborn son "Victor", and sending him to the University of Michigan...

Just before the second half started, I got a call from Aaron. Oklahoma 7, Tulsa 6 at the half. The Sooners were in trouble...

Michigan started the second half with a nice 5-1/2 minute drive deep into Irish territory, which ended abruptly on an interception. Neither team did much of anything up until Jacob and I left near the end of the third quarter. Before we left, the Michigan fans behind us gave us each a Michigan football baseball cap and wished us luck. Classiest fans in the world - I plan to root for Michigan anytime they play someone other than Texas...

We jumped into the car at 2:45 PM, and started our trip to Columbus. Jeff called me at about this time to let me know that Tulsa had jumped up 9-7 on the Sooners. Even in the heart of the Midwest, OU still sucks...

We listened to the end of the Michigan-Notre Dame game on the radio. Michigan got a late touchdown to make it close, but the Irish held strong, and won 17-10. Before this game, Michigan was #3 in the country. We were about to see #2 (Texas) and #4 (Ohio State).

The drive went smoothly for the most part, but we did have a small adventure with Smokey...

3:16 PM - Ain't seen a Smokey yet. Jacob, put that hammer down and give 'em hell!

3:22 PM - We just passed a state trooper who pulled into the road just after we shot past. We ducked him - instead, he caught the Hyundai Tuscon in front of us. I don't think we were speeding anyway, but that made for a tense thirty seconds...

Bounded by endless corn on both sides, I took the opportunity to phone Tommy, who is usually my running buddy on this type of trip (Fiesta Bowl, Final Four, etc.). A few things he mentioned in our conversation:

"I don't care if they have a defensive end who benched 600 pounds and [censored] bears..."
"We're not losing to a team coached by a man in a sweater."
"If you see (former Buckeye running back) Maurice Clarett, tell him that you want two Cokes, not one."
"If Ohio State plays the spread offense, that plays into our hands."
"Prediction - 25-10 Texas, with 3 missed extra points and a two-point conversion for Texas."

(I predicted 27-23 Texas, with a missed extra point.)

4:34 - I saw a license plate that calls Ohio "The Birthplace of Aviation", a claim that also appears on the Ohio state quarters. The basis of this claim is that the Wright Brothers and Neil Armstrong were both born here. I'm not sure how I feel about this - North Carolina's motto is "First in Flight" thanks to the Wright Brothers and Kitty Hawk, and it seems to me that Ohio is trying to horn in on North Carolina's thunder. Something to be proud of? Of course, but to use it as the identity of the state seems a tad trivial. Why not call themselves, "The Buckeye State on the quarter and the license plate - that's the official name of the state already, and it pays homage to the farmers who have worked the Ohio soil for generations. Why not mention the automobile industry, which had a much more significant impact on the state? I'm just suggesting that there are better things than the birth of three men to put on the back of a coin or car that will define the state to those who see it, that's all.

We rolled into Columbus around 6 PM, and met the broker at a Holiday Inn about two miles from the Ohio State campus. I was relieved to have the tickets in my hand - this seemed to me to be the shakiest part of our plan. We even received a free parking pass with them, which proved useless when we attempted to look for parking near the stadium. We saw nothing but thousands upon thousands of people, mostly Ohio State fans. We circled back to the hotel, but not before a guy on a motorcycle burned his rear tire in front of us for a few seconds, to the delight of the watching crowd. Jacob and I decided to park and walk the two miles to the stadium.

On the first part of the walk, we had several drivers on the street honk, roll down the window, give us the bird or a simple "[censored] Texas!", and drive on. I would flash my "Hook 'em Horns" back and keep walking - this was all in good fun. We then made a turn into the Lane Avenue district, which (and we didn't know this) is the primary student party area in Columbus. Almost every house had a large group of students drinking beer and tailgating (which I'm totally cool with). When each group would see us, they would start yelling, which alerted the next group, who would do the same thing, etc. Jacob and I honestly (HONESTLY!) were completely classy here, taking the barbs and taunts all in stride, but even so, things started to escalate. The students started throwing beer cans, food, and at least one liquor bottle in our direction. I got hit in the shoulder by a half-full beer can, and had some barbeque sauce thrown on me too. Fortunately, this was near the end of the street, and we were able to make our way onto the Ohio State Campus before things got worse. Though we met some good folks in the Horseshoe, these Buckeye fans were the worst I've ever encountered by far, and I've seen Sooner fans, Aggy fans, and Texas Tech fans (who once stabbed a goalpost into the visiting fans section after a win) virtually every year. You just have to shake your head sometimes...

Our burnt orange shirts splattered with beer and barbeque sauce, we found our seats in the Horseshoe a little after 7 PM, with an hour until kickoff. Our seats were in the corner of the end zone, approximately 5 rows below the top of the uppermost deck. The Horseshoe is the most impressive college stadium I've ever seen - it's enormous and modern, but gives virtually everyone in the house a good view of the entire field. Our seats offered a nice vantage point on the North End Zone, near which the Texas Band was seated, and where the game would ultimately be decided...

Our neighbors included two Ohio State band alumni on our left, an elderly couple on our right, and recent Buckeye grads all around. They expressed regret at how we were treated on Lane Avenue, and treated us well the whole game. The elderly couple even gave us buckeyes as souveniers...

For the game, I'm going back to the scribbled diary. Let's relive it, minute-by-minute. Yes, that rhymes. Start the times...

7:22 - The Horns just came out on the field for warmups, and are egging on the crowd as the band strikes up "Texas Fight" and shakes their cowbells. It's always worth repeating - you can never have enough cowbell...

7:38 - Jacob, never ceasing to think of everything, brought earplugs for us both. I tried mine on, but decided to go without them. If this crowd ain't loud enough to faze Vince, it ain't loud enough to faze me either. Bring it on, baby!

7:48 - "Eyes of Texas" and "Texas Fight" in a hostile six-figure environment. I'm amped!

7:50 - Here comes the Ohio State band. The place is loud!

7:57 - Script Ohio is in progress...

7:58 - ...culminating in the dotting of the "i." That was freaking cool.

8:06 - The second national anthem of the day was moving. The coin flip is done. Here comes the kickoff. Bring it on, baby!

8:18 - We stopped the Buckeyes on their first drive, and Vince has already run for three first downs on our first drive. We're on the Ohio State 25 yard line. The team looks ready to play this game.

8:21 - Drive stalled. David Pino for the 25-yard field goal - Good!

8:23 - 3-0 Texas. Breathe...

8:28 - Ohio State gets their first First Down, but they worked for it. I like our defense right now. 3rd and 6 - we hold. Ohio State punt forthcoming.

On an unrelated note, we're packed in these seats like sardines, and something (or someone) is smelling a little ripe right now.

8:34 - Long pass to Billy Pittman. I don't think he ever caught a pass before tonight. We're moving the ball again...

8:37 - Bailed out by a pass interference penalty. Texas ball on Ohio State 21 yard line. We're doing well, but for my own welfare and that of Jacob, I'm playing it cool...

8:42 - Henry "The Mule" Melton gives Texas a First and Goal on short yardage...

8:43 - ...which sets up Vince for a quick touchdown pass on a slant to Billy Pittman, who is already having a career day. Extra point forthcoming... (we missed three last week)... good. Texas 10-0.

8:45 - A great kick return by Ohio State. Our kick return coverage has not improved since the Rose Bowl - we can't keep giving them good field position. Come on D...

8:47 - Troy Smith, Ohio State's previously suspended QB, has come in the game. This could bring a momentum shift...

8:49 - Quarter. Texas 10-0, but the Buckeyes are threatening. 3rd and 7 at Texas 33.

8:53 - Ohio State field goal. All are satisfied with that.

8:55 - "Deep in the Heart of Texas" - Ah, the sounds of home...

8:59 - The Buckeyes stop Texas on the next drive, sacking Vince on third down. Their ball on their own 20.

9:03 - Drew Kelson almost had a pick-6 in the flat. He just looked downfield before catching it.

9:05 - Troy Smith runs better than Justin Zwick (the starting QB), but he's full of adventure, with a fumble and a near-interception on the last three plays. Even so, the Buckeyes are at midfield...

9:10 - Touchdown Ohio State, on a perfectly-executed long pass from Smith to Santonio Holmes. Tie game.

9:12 - The Longhorns got in the first punch, and now they've counterpunched. Let's see what we've got...

9:14 - Ramonce "The Love" Taylor, probably the fastest player on the field, ran the ball to the end line, looked at the ref and realized that he couldn't get a touchback, broke a tackle in the end zone, then ran the ball all the way to the thirty, where a touchdown-saving tackle was made. My heart rate is about 200 right now...

9:16 - Interception by A.J. Hawk, the All-American Ohio State linebacker. Vince threw the ball as he was being tackled. The Buckeyes get the ball at the Texas 18.

9:21 - Texas holds on a 3rd and 3 from the 11, and Ohio State settles for a field goal. The defense held. Jacob said that this game feels like a heavyweight fight. I agree.

9:23 - The crowd is relatively quiet. Just as I write this, Selvin Young fumbled the ball, and the Buckeyes get the ball again on the Texas 30.

9:27 - The Texas defense gets two tackles-for-loss, bringing about a 3rd and 20... that Ohio State converts. Bugger. Ohio State first down at the 18.

9:30 - The Buckeyes get a first down at the Texas 5...

9:33 - ...and the defense comes through again, stopping them for 3 plays and forcing another field goal. 16-10 Ohio State. We're the better team here. We just need to stop giving them the ball.

I'm starting to speak about this team in the first-person plural. Since when did I turn into Dave South?

9:35 - Wow. With less than a minute left in the half, we got the ball at the 46-yard-line on the kickoff, and Jamaal Charles took a reception down to the Ohio State 18. Texas now has a 2nd down from the 12, with 12 seconds left.

9:38 - Ohio State gets a sack, and Texas calls a timeout and sets up for a 37-yard field goal attempt...

9:39 - ...which is just inside the upright and good. 16-13 Ohio State at the half, but the Longhorns have the momentum, and they get the ball first in the 3rd. Considering how bad the turnovers could have been, the Horns are in good shape.

9:43 - To begin halftime, Ohio State pays tribute to Woody Hayes. Woody Hayes was an successful coach in 28 years for the Buckeyes, keeping his team in the top 5 every year and winning 3 national titles (Ohio State says 5 on their website, but a couple are awarded by something called the FFL, so I'll stick with 3). What they didn't mention is that Woody Hayes was fired for punching an opposing player. He was an ornery old codger. As for me, I'll stick with one Darrell K. Royal, a man who was not only a great coach but a good man as well.

9:47 - The band is really sharp. Their halftime show:

Ride of the Valkries - Wagner
March of the Toreadors - Bizet
Nessun Dorma - Puccini (featuring Stan Workman as the Tenor
Prelude to Act III of Lohengin - Wagner

Some serious music for a college marching band halftime show. Verdict: Better than Michigan. The two band alums sitting next to me will be pleased to hear that.

9:50 - Jacob says that he is "sweating like a whore in church." The elderly lady next to him says she is sweating "like a Turk." I'm fine, but then again, I do have three kidneys...

9:57 - How do we win this? Nate's 3 keys to the second half (If the awful broadcasters for Fox Sports Southwest can do it, I can too...):

1) Keep playing great defense.
2) Take care of the ball on offense.
3) Turn Vince loose!

This is a heavyweight bout. Let's come out and punch 'em in the mouth like Woody Hayes...

10:03 - 2nd half starts. Texas gets the ball on the 20, and true freshman Jamaal Charles is starting at tailback.

10:05 - Another interception by Ohio State, this time off of a deflection, and another stand demanded from the Texas Defense.

10:07 - The Buckeyes stall at the Texas 27, and kick another field goal. 19-13 Ohio State.

10:11 - They are putting questions on the Jumbotron about NCAA rules concerning boosters, such as, "What is the definition of a student-athlete?" I wonder if NCAA compliance is much of a problem at Ohio State...

10:14 - Texas gets the ball back, and Billy Pittman has another long reception, this time to the Ohio State 5. Again, I don't think he ever caught the ball before today. 1st and goal for Texas from the 10 after a false start.

10:16 - Three running plays, and Texas is eventually stopped at the 9...

10:18 - ...and David Pino nails the field goal. Ohio State 19-16.

10:19 - Now let's pin them back on the kickoff... oh, wait... they have the ball at midfield again!

10:23 - Justin Zwick is back in the game. Ohio State has a couple of nice runs and completes a pass to the Texas 12.

10:28 - After a near fumble, and an injury, Ohio State has 3rd and 5 at the 8. The tight end nearly catches the ball for the touchdown, but bobbled and dropped it. Ohio State kicks the field goal from close range, and they lead 22-16.

10:33 - The Horns go 3 and out on their next possession, and Jake is looking pretty sick. He's hanging tough, though. The Buckeyes get the ball at their own 44.

10:35 - Zwick just scrambled for a first down in Texas territory.

10:36 - The Buckeyes miss on another deep fade route to Santonio Holmes, and punt the ball back to Texas. Horns ball on the 8 yard line.

10:39 - Just when I thought "Give Me a Phat Beat" would never be surpassed for Outstanding Achievement in Unintentional Comedy from Cheesy Jumbotron Animation, I just saw a (badly) animated Woody Hayes zap a ball incomplete from beyond the grave. I wonder if Woody ever zaps a player in the face...

10:41 - Texas goes 3-and-out, and Ohio State will have the ball at midfield again. Quarter, and "Hang on Sloopy" time...

10:42 - ...followed by the Wabash Cannonball.

10:45 - At the beginning of the 4th Quarter, Texas lights up a reverse to Ted Ginn (the big Buckeye playmaker who has been terribly quiet tonight), and get the ball back on their own 10. Keeping steady on field position, at least...

10:49 - Texas starts out conservative on offense, but convert a 3rd and long to Brian Carter of the Woodlands...

10:50 - ...followed by another catch by Billy Pittman. Texas ball at midfield.

10:52 - Texas has backed into a 3rd and 25, and Ellen just called to say that she found something funny, but I couldn't hear her well enough to find out what that was...

10:54 - Announced attendance: 105,965. Largest crowd in the history of the Horseshoe.

10:57 - Tressel brings in Justin Zwick and is playing it conservative, and just after I write this, Ohio State drives the ball to the Texas 40. We must get a stop here - the Ohio State kicker is good.

11:01 - The Buckeyes get a First down on the Texas 29.

11:04 - Texas drives the Buckeyes back to the 33, bringing up a 50-yard field goal attempt. If they hit it, they're up 25-16 with less than 6 minutes left...

11:06 - IT MISSED! A touchdown wins it! We're still in it!

Hostile crowd of 100,000+. Down by 6. Five minutes left. Vince time.

11:07 - After they missed the FG, I yelled "We still have a chance!" while surrounded by 2,000 silent Buckeye fans within earshot. I'm going to keep it quiet for the rest of the game...

11:08 - Texas draws a pass interference penalty, and have the ball at midfield. I just text-messaged Mark Proeger with the following:

"Wow. I have a good feeling about this."

11:09 - Four-yard gain by Vince. 2nd and 6.

11:10 - Incompletion. 3rd and 6. Texas takes a timeout. I take the opportunity to call Ellen and tell her that I feel good about our chances, and that I think we're going to win. She doesn't believe me. I guess this might be due to the fact that I'm a little crazy at this point...

11:13 - Vince completes a pass to Jamaal Charles for the First down.

11:15 - Vince just got hit hard on a short run, and is down. Nordren is warming up. This is trouble. He's slowly getting up. Texas takes a timeout to let him clear his head, but it looks like he's staying in.

11:17 - On 3rd and 1 from the 30, the Buckeyes jump offsides, and Texas gets a first down.

11:18 - Touchdown to Limas Sweed. Score is tied at 22. We get the extra point to make it 23-22 Texas.

11:19 - Notice the marked lack of excitement here. Jacob and I celebrated that dramatic, historic, clutch Longhorn touchdown with a knowing nod at each other. We are playing it cool right now - don't want to piss anyone off...

11:21 - 2:37 left in the game. The Buckeyes only need a field goal. We MUST pin them back this time.

11:24 - They fumbled the kickoff. Texas recovered! It goes to review...

11:25 - ...and it's overturned. What a finish!

11:26 - Justin Zwick fumbles the ball on a scramble, and Texas recovers the ball on the Ohio State 21. It ain't over yet, though...

11:27 - 12-yard run by Charles to the 9.

11:28 - 2-yard gain to Bucks 7 yard line.

11:30 - Vince to the 3-yard line. The Buckeyes call a timeout, but Jim Tressel took his sweet time doing it, to the chagrin of the fans around me.

11:34 - On 3rd and goal, Vince takes the ball to the 1-yard line. Texas calls a timeout with 29 seconds left. We're going for it...

11:35 - ...and the Mule falls short of the endzone by a foot. Ohio State football on the one-foot line with 25 seconds left.

11:36 - Safety. Ballgame.


Jacob and I stayed long enough to sing Texas Fight and the Eyes of Texas, and to watch the team celebrate with the fans in the end zone below us. We then navigated our way out of the stadium and through the hostile crowd without. At least one Buckeye fan tried to pick a fight with me, and was promptly cooled off by another really nice Buckeye fan (There were quite a few of those around too). The whole scene reminded me of The Warriors, the 1979 gang movie about a gang that has to fight through every other gang in New York to reach their home turf of Coney Island. We made our way back to the car by sticking with other Texas fans and by eventually by removing our Texas gear. We wandered into our room at the Ramada around 1 AM, bringing us back to where I started this story - me giggling in the bathtub, Jacob sick and sleeping in the other room, both of us content after having lived one of the greatest days of our lives.

Jacob was the one who came up with the idea for this trip and did all the planning - I was just along for the ride. We wouldn't have made it through as well as we did if not for his effort. That said, the day turned out better than we possibly could have imagined. The day was full of adventures, excitement, a little bit of danger, and ultimately turned out well - the Texas-Ohio State game was one for the ages. I truly believe that the Lord guided, protected, and blessed us. Even if the game didn't turn out well, I spent time with a dear friend that I've seen very little in the last six years. I pray that the Lord blesses and strengthens Jacob and Ali as they tackle the adventures and challenges that lay before them in the coming years. Thanks, Jacob. Godspeed.

That, and Hook 'Em.

9.14.2005

The Saturday diary is on the way...

...I promise. I'm about half done at this point. In the meantime, here are a couple of photos to tide you over. These are from the Michigan game early in the day:





9.11.2005

A few quick thoughts on the Day After

Dear loyal readers-

I'll start with the good news. Yesterday was incredible. The big game lived up to the billing, with the Longhorns coming from behind to win one of the greatest games I've ever seen over the Buckeyes on the road, and the day was an adventure from beginning to end. More good news: I kept a detailed diary of the entire day in the small notepad I bought at the airport before the trip, from the early morning trip to Ann Arbor, through the streets of Columbus (which strangely resemble Fallujah in some spots - more on that later...), and on to victory.

The bad news: The diary is full of lame jokes and barely legible dull comments, and filled about 40 pages of my little notebook. Therefore, I'm going to condense it into a more readable narrative of the day that should at once thrill, shock and amuse you. It'll take me two or three days. For now, some quick thoughts:

1) When we got Vince Young, we knew he was gifted physically. We didn't know that he would be this gutty, this clutch, this fearless, and this good. As a leader, he's Aragorn. As a warrior, he's Maximus (which makes sense, since he actually watches Gladiator before every game). For Longhorn Football, he may be our William Wallace, the man who will liberate us from the cruel yoke of Bob Stoops. The team around him has the same attitude of fearlessness. In a game where they weren't perfect in the toughest of circumstances, they did what it took to win, and are consequently on the inside track to the national title. Congratulations, Horns.

2) I never seem to take easy vacations. My uncle goes on cruises. My parents go to New Mexico. I go to Russia to work with orphans, and on long road trips with insane schedules to watch football games. That said, as I walked through the disappointed (and largely inebriated and hostile) crowd of Ohio State Buckeye fans, trying to avoid a fight, I felt absolutely in my element. In the midst of all the craziness, I felt the Lord's favour. I never take easy vacations, and I wouldn't have it any other way...

More to come in a couple of days, y'all. Later.

-Nate

9.09.2005

Ohio State Diary: Friday

8:24 AM - I hate Starbucks. They are the Wal-Mart of coffeehouses, expanding ravenously across the fruited plain of America like a plague of hungry locusts, stripping the land of its greenery at $4 a pop. Starbucks is crass, it is corporate, and it competes with local coffeehouses built with local money by local people...

...Yet I found myself waiting fifteen minutes in line in center of the Memphis Airport to order a $4.57 Venti Nonfat Vanilla Latte (and I come to Starbucks often enough to place those words in the right order.). The girl behind the counter was endearingly pesty in her attempts to entice me to buy a pastry (I declined.). What can I say - their coffee is damn good. I hate Starbucks, and yet I love it...

I'm flying on Northwest Airlines, whose mechanic's union is on strike, and whose financials are deteriorating (as with all major airlines except Southwest). When asked the other day if I was taking the union's side, I replied, "I'm for my plane not crashing. If they can get me there and back safely, we're cool." (Note: Both of my flights were nice - no drama mechanical or otherwise.).

Things I love about Austin Bergstrom International Airport, which I flew out of at 6:20 this morning:

1) Simple, elegant interior design that beautifully reflects the best things about Austin and the Hill Country.
2) Reasonably-priced food from notable local restaurants like Schlotzsky's, the Salt Lick, and Amy's Ice Cream, and no McDonald's in sight.
3) When walking into one of the gift shops, they had the Rose Bowl DVD playing. This morning, I walked in just as the B2 Bomber flew over. Gave me goosebumps.
4) With runways almost twice as long as those at the old Robert Mueller Airport and flat terrain, landings at ABIA are almost always smooth, like Jamaal Charles running through a hole to daylight.

Get to see Jacob in Cincy in a couple of hours. More to come...

10:19 AM - From Nate's Bookshelf, Ohio State Trip Edition

I'm guessing that this feature on the Nateblogg is inspired by a childhood spent watching Reading Rainbow on PBS. Not the ubiquitous cultural phenomenon that the two shows it follows (Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers Neighborhood) are, it nonetheless has the same timeless quality as those shows in that twenty-year-old episodes are still relevant. The host, Levar Burton, obviously loves what he is doing. Levar also starred on Star Trek: The Next Generation as an engineer, which was nice, because I always loved that added thrill of seeing a children's host yell "Damn!" with gusto when things went wrong. All in all, an underrated show with an underrated host.

I especially loved the feature near the end of the show where kids make their own book recommendations in their own words. "From Nate's Bookshelf" is really an extention of that, so after every installment, imagine the "Dah-duhn Dah" that followed each Reading Rainbow recommendation.

(Levar Burton: "But don't take my word for it...")

Recently, thanks to the influence of my friend David Fry, I've taken up golf again. I play once a week or so, and though my handicap hovers around 40, I'm slowly improving, and more importantly, I enjoy myself. To me, a round of golf is a four-hour nature walk, interrupted by about 100 pauses where one attempts to hit a small ball with a metal stick toward a target slightly larger than the ball. It's challenging as hell, and can never be truly mastered, because every shot in your life will be unique. The greatest teacher of golf may have been Harvey Penick, the lifelong Golf Pro at Austin Country Club. Near the end of his life, Penick distilled his assimilated wisdom from seventy years of teaching golf into the Little Red Book. It became the best-selling sports book of all time.

Pick up any issue of Golf Magazine, and you'll find dozens of tips from dozens of golf pros on specific ways to hit a golf ball. Harvey Penick took a different approach, teaching golf in parables, and in personal lessons to individuals of all skill levels instead of groups of people. He carefully considered how to communicate to his students, sometimes not answering questions until the following day. His pupils include Ben Crenshaw, Tom Kite, and thousands of others, and all would testify to his wisdom in teaching golf, and of their love for him as a man. Here's an excerpt from the Introduction, written when Harvey got around in a wheelchair:


When the member and the general leave, Helen (his wife) and Penny (his nurse) scold me. I am wearing myself out, they say. They remind me that before Ben (Crenshaw) dropped by, a girl who is hoping to make the University of Texas team had come to talk to me about her progress, and I had asked questions for an hour. It's true that I have grown tired as the day became evening. But my mind is excited. My heart is thrilled. I have been teaching. Nothing has ever given me greater pleasure than teaching. I received as much joy from coaxing a first time pupil, a woman from Paris, into hitting the ball into the air so that she could go back to France and play golf with her husband as I did from watching the development of all the fine players I have been lucky enough to know.


If you play golf, read this book first. I'm playing this afternoon, so I will spend the rest of this flight rereading it.

Grace note: Read Rick Reilly's excellent account of Ben Crenshaw winning the Masters in 1995 the week after Harvey Penick's passing. Sure to make things a little dusty...

(Dah-duhn Dah)

4:30 - Jacob and I hit a few golf balls, then we decided to rent a car to take on the trip tomorrow, so we are renting a Chrysler Sebring. Hey - that's a lot like a Dodge Stratus! That's right - we will drive a Dodge Stratus! We will do 100 push-ups in 20 minutes! I'll be wearing a "Cock-fighting" belt buckle! People are afraid of us!

Tonight, I will introduce Jacob to Anchorman and the "Springtime for Hitler" scene in The Producers. Should be fun.

We roll out tomorrow at 3 AM (2 AM Central). Wish us Godspeed...

9.08.2005

Looking the Part







A rough idea of how I will look when I walk into the Horseshoe this Saturday. I'm rather partial to the belt buckle myself...

One other note: Hurricane Nate looks to be heading off into the Atlantic, and will not present any threat to the Eastern Seaboard. I assure you that this is an act of mercy, not of weakness. Just thought I'd mention this...

9.07.2005

iTunes Playlist: Vince Young and the Longhorns Comin'

Jack: Who are those guys?
Bernie Casey: They're my theme music. Every good hero has some.

I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, 1989

So what follows is our theme music for the Saturday safari to Columbus by way of Ann Arbor. I've arranged it to follow the tempo of a football game, with a little pregame, four quarters, and a number by the band at the finish. Enjoy...

1. The Eyes of Texas - Or, as my friend Brian Heffern from Syracuse would call it, "that railroad song." The only way to start this thing off.

2. Ohio, by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young - The famous song about the Kent State shootings in 1970. The tempo is confrontational and resolute, as I hope the Horns will be...

3. Country Road, by James Taylor - A great road trip folk song by one of my favorite songwriters.

4. East Bound and Down, by Jerry Reed - Seeing as what we are trying to accomplish strongly resembles the premise of Smokey and the Bandit, I would call this the title track. "Just put that hammer down, and give it hell!"

5. Don't Stop Believin', by Journey - Jacob is a big hair rock fan. I'm sure he'll more than approve...

6. We Ready, by Archie Oversole - A standby on the PA's at DKR or the Drum, and our favorite pre-game hip-hop track. Simply crunk.

7. Texas Fight - I know I'm a little biased, but this is the greatest fight song in college football, unqualified. This would be the time in the playlist where the team is running out on the field through a cloud of smoke...

8. Battle Without Honor or Humanity, the RZA - From the Kill Bill soundtrack. Perfect mood song for taking on an army of 100,000 single-handedly. This represents kickoff.

9. Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy), Big and Rich - This begins the first quarter. The video is allsome. Thanks to Tom for introducing me to these guys.

10. I Play Chicken with the Train - Cowboy Troy, as I've mentioned before, graduated with an Economics degree from the University of Texas, and is the pioneer of Hick-Hop. There's no way I don't include him...

11. COH, 5'NIZZA - 5'NIZZA (pronounced pyot-NEET-za) are two guys from Russia who play an inventive brand of music that blends reggae, hip-hop, and jazz, featuring little more than two guys and a guitar. Best band in the world that no one west of Poland has ever heard of.

12. Deep in the Heart of Texas - The traditional end-of-first-quarter selection for the Showband of the Southwest.

13. The House is Rockin', Stevie Ray Vaughn - We're rollin' through the puddle, just like Stevie Ray and Double Trouble...

14. Long Tall Texan, Lyle Lovett and Randy Newman - Lyle Lovett has achieved most-favored Aggie status in my universe, so much so that he merits inclusion in this, the coup de resistance of my Longhorn-linked playlists (so far)...

15. Texas Playboy Rag, Bob Wills and His Texas Playboys - A little number from the King of Western Swing, and certainly something you won't hear much of in Ohio. Halftime...

16. God Bless America Fanfare
17. American Salute
18. The Battle Hymn of the Republic, all by the University of Texas Longhorn Band
- These three compositions come from the excellent patriotic halftime show the band did in the months following 9/11.

19. Stomp, Phil Keaggy - Phil Keaggy probably releases two to three instrumental albums a year. I own about ten of them. This track comes from 220, perhaps the best (and most successful) of all of them, and features several guitar melodies overlaid on one another. iTunes has a nice collection of Phil Keaggy here.

20. Theme from Shaft, Isaac Hayes - Keeping things funky here, in the middle of the third quarter...

21. Bad Moon Rising, CCR - Three chords, Jon Fogerty, and a guy from California writing songs about life on the Bayou...

22. Wabash Cannonball - The Texas band plays this after every third quarter. It cracked me up to find out a couple of years ago that Kansas State plays it as their fight song. That's right - Our third quarter fan amusement = Kansas State's battle anthem. No wonder they were the worst football program in the history of major college football until ten years ago.

I'm obviously baiting Ellen at this point. Let's see if she bites...

23. Friends in Low Places, Garth Brooks - For his first three albums or so, Garth Brooks actually gave a crap, and put out some good music. Thereafter, he prolifically produced albums with the singular motive of breaking the all-time sales record of the Beatles. That doesn't change the fact that this is a great song.

I had a friend from Garth's hometown of Yukon. He was a white rapper named Casey Ford. Great guy. I miss him. I wonder if he knows Cowboy Troy...

Last note: Apparently, Garth Brooks hasn't condescended to iTunes yet, so the hyperlink above goes to a version by a guy named Mark Smith. Just thought I'd mention this.

24. Texas, George Strait - A discovery from two nights ago. When I play it, things get dusty. Since this is the fourth quarter, you could even say they're getting Dusty Mangum...

25. My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys, Willie Nelson - I guess the theme for the fourth quarter of my playlist is "Texas Pride." There are few we are more proud of than the red-headed stranger from Abbott, even if the IRS aren't crazy about him...

26. Texas Fight - Signalling the final gun, and followed by...

27. The Eyes of Texas - ...Goosebump time.

28. We Don't Run, Willie Nelson - A great coda song, as we go on to the next game. From Spirit, one of Willie's very best albums.

This game that Jacob and I are going to is probably the biggest for Texas football since the time we played Notre Dame in 1996. Willie sang the national anthem that day, contributing to an unmistakable Big Game Atmosphere. I'll be interested to see what it'll be like in Columbus.

More to come tomorrow...

9.06.2005

East Bound and Down

East bound and down
Load it up and truck it
We're gonna do what they say can't be done...
We've got a long way to go
And a short time to get there
(Da-da-da-da) Watch old Bandit run...


And on to my next journey...

In the enormous football media guide that the University of Texas issues every year, there is a page near the back that gives the future schedules for the football team. Several years ago, I noticed that the Longhorns would be playing Ohio State, a team that is one of the top-5 all-time programs in college football, and a team that, like Michigan in the Rose Bowl, Texas has never played. Around that time, Ohio State beat Miami to win a National Championship, and Texas recruited a class of players that included Vince Young, Rod Wright, Jonathan Scott, David Thomas, and a few others that form the nucleus of this year's team. Seeing this, I (and most of Longhorn Nation) believed that it would be a huge, historic game for both programs.

We were right. Tickets for this game are going for well over $1000 apiece on eBay, and going into this season, the media has unanimously anointed it as the Game of the Year. As many as 10,000 Longhorn fans may be making the trip, so in the crowd of 100,000 plus, Longhorn Nation will be well represented. I will be among them, but thanks to a fateful phone call I received from my old friend Jacob Levine last July, my journey will be a bit more ambitious...

Here's the plan for the weekend: I will fly into Cincinnati on Friday morning, where Jacob will pick me up, and we will go to Jacob's home in Louisville to play a little golf and catch up on old times. We will then wake up around 4 AM on Saturday morning and drive to Ann Arbor to see the Notre Dame - Michigan game at 12 noon ET. We will leave that game near the end of the third quarter, (hopefully) avoiding the crowd, then driving the 200 miles to Columbus for the big one at 8 PM. When that game finishes up sometime around midnight ET, we will spend the night in Columbus and drive back to Cincy the next morning for my outgoing flight. That's the plan...

...and it's a plan where everything must go right for us to pull it off. Our car cannot break down. We can't get caught in the crowd leaving the Michigan - Notre Dame game - there are 40 exits for 110,000 people there, which means that we would be competing with 2,750 people to get out of the stadium. We will have to maneuver around traffic in Columbus, which begins three hours before kickoff, pick up the tickets from the ticket broker, park, and (probably) run to the stadium in time to catch the pregame festivities, which include the famous dotting of the i. A lot can go wrong, but this is the reason why we're going - if we can pull this off, we'll be telling our grandkids about it. When I tell friends about it, their responses range from "You're crazy" to "You have to do this - you owe it to college football to do so!" A lot of guys are living vicariously through us. I think of Boromir telling Frodo "You carry the faith of all of us, little one..." at the Council of Elrond. That's where Jake and I are at.
So to assist my friends in the "living vicariously" part of this enterprise, I will chronicle the trip in the Nateblogg. Tomorrow I will discuss my attire for this trip. Thursday, I will offer a special "Vince Young and the Longhorns Comin'" iTunes playlist. Finally, as the coup de resistance, I will keep a running diary of the weekend, and will publish it early next week.

Wish me Godspeed, my friends.

9.04.2005

Of N'Awlins

So this week, I have a lot of tomfoolery planned for the Nateblogg leading up to my journey to Ohio on Friday, but before I get to it, in light of Katrina and her aftermath, I'd like to share a few thoughts...

When I was six years old, I took my first road trip. My grandparents loaded me in their sweet white Cadillac Eldorado Biarritzand we went to the 1984 World's Fair in New Orleans. We went with Aunt Barbara and Uncle Wilson, and their daughter Barbara Ann. I remember having a wonderful time. In fact, my experience on that trip is almost certainly one of the reasons I enjoy travelling so much - it whetted my appetite at an early age for going to new places and trying new things. A sampling of the adventures I enjoyed on that trip:

1) The trunk cracked open while we were rolling on I-10 through the swamp, and I pointed out the warning light on the hi-tech (and often-used) information center on the dashboard. Not terribly exciting, especially considering that the Eldorado routinely had things go wrong, but understand that I was six, and that this whole situation appeared terribly dangerous to me. For the rest of the trip, I was assigned to watch the dashboard for warning lights, and I can say with pride that I carried out my duties enthusiastically.

2) When we reached downtown New Orleans, my grandfather had trouble navigating the labyrinth of one-way streets to the hotel, at which point I looked at the map and more or less directed us to the Holiday Inn that we stayed at. Why was I able to do this at so tender an age? I guess I would chalk it up to my innate sense of direction...

(Go ahead. Groan if you like...)

(By the way, this is how I remember it, but I was six, so this story may be somewhat apocryphal...)

3) At the World's Fair, the only thing I remember seeing is the Kid Wash, a large playground contraption that shot hundreds of jets of water everywhere. The fact that this is all I recall either means that the Kid Wash was extraordinarily memorable, or that the World's Fair was not that impressive. Seeing as Expo 1984 was the only World's Fair to ever go bankrupt, I would lean toward the latter...

4) ...but New Orleans itself didn't disappoint. Here's the best story from the trip...

All of us went out to dinner one night at the Court of Two Sisters, a famous restaurant in the French Quarter. My grandmother dressed me in a cute outfit and everyone dressed in a suit and tie. When we arrived, the Maitr'd informed us that all of us were welcome to come in except me, because I was wearing shorts, and they were a jacket-and-tie establishment. Not keen on leaving a six-year-old alone on the street for two hours, or on suffering a fool for that matter, my grandmother demanded to talk to the manager. A few minutes later, a kind-looking bald man (who was actually the owner of the restaurant) came out into the vine-covered courtyard, took one look at me in my outfit, and said "No, he is just fine." The man then proceeded to seat us at the best table in the restaurant (near the band and the fountain in the photo at the hyperlink above), and had his best waiter personally attend to me throughout the meal. My grandmother reminds me of this meal often, and loves to tell this story.

I returned to New Orleans nineteen years later with my friend Tommy to watch the Horns in the Final Four, and seeing the city through more mature eyes, I saw a more complete picture. The boisterous buzz of Bourbon Street far exceeded anything I ever saw on Sixth Street in Austin. The Jackson Square area was stately and a little funky, and housed the Cafe du Monde. On the walk from the French Quarter to the Superdome, I saw dozens of homeless people, and a pimp shout to a crowd of hundreds of tourists to inform them that he had a product to offer them. The poverty in some areas reminded me of a third-world country. In fact, over a lunch of boiled crawfish, I told Tommy about the very scenario that the city is experiencing now: Large hurricane causes Lake Ponchitrain to overtop the levees and flood the city, making escape and survival difficult for everyone stuck inside the city. It was one of those conversations you have over a pitcher of beer with your friends - you mention it because it's interesting, not because you ever expect it to happen.

For all its problems, there was good reason that so many people come to New Orleans for Super Bowls, big events, conventions, or just for vacation (My brother and his wife took their honeymoon there in February). As illustrated in my experience at the Court of Two Sisters, the city was as welcoming as any place I have ever been. Everywhere, the city seemed to express, "Enjoy some good old-fashioned Southern hospitality. Eat some good old-fashioned fried Cajun cuisine. Drink some good old-fashioned hard liquor. Walk through these old neighborhoods and feel their history seep into your bones. Do it all to excess if you like - it's okay with us. Liassez les bon temps roulez!" For all its problems, New Orleans certainly had some redemptive qualities. I hope that they will help to redeem this city in the months and years to come.

For the time being, I guess we can show our appreciation to New Orleans by showing its displaced residents some good old-fashioned Southern hospitality wherever they've gone (I think we have over 200,000 of them in Texas right now.). We can feed them, give them something to drink, and open up our cities to them. In light of what New Orleans was, it's the least we can do. I don't think I've met anyone who won't do something to help these people out - many of my friends are thinking of taking a leave of absence from work or school to go down to Louisiana or Mississippi to help out. That is an encouraging thought.

9.03.2005

The Fear and Loathing of Football Season...

It's appropriate that I write this on the Eve of football season, as the beginning of each year of Longhorn football puts a feeling in the pit of my stomach much like that I experienced on Christmas Eve as a kid. It was eight months ago that I watched Vince Young and the Texas Longhorns win a thrilling Rose Bowl over the Michigan Wolverines on a last-second, partially blocked field goal, and with most of the team returning, there is the familiar anticipation and very real hope that, as Red Sox fans would have said until last year, "This is our year." Tomorrow's game against Louisiana-Lafayette could be the beginning of the best year in the history of Longhorn football, and along with tens of thousands of others, I care entirely too much, and am a little hesitant to commit my heart to this team...

Why? We've said the same thing every year since 2000 - we are capable of winning the title, we have the talent, this is our year. Let me chronicle very quickly how these lofty expectations have been dashed each year:

2000 - The team, mired in a QB controversy between Major Applewhite and Chris Simms, loses 63-14 to an Oklahoma team that went on to the national title from out of nowhere. This one hurt - we lost big, and they won REAL big. I was there.

2001 - Starting Simms at QB, the Longhorns lose a close game to Oklahoma right at the end of the game, but somehow make it into the Big 12 title game. There, they fall behind by 19 to a team they had beaten 41-7 earlier, and switch to Applewhite, who almost leads them back to victory. Winning this game would have put us in the national title game. This one hurt the most. I was there (again).

2002 - A team with a great group of seniors is undone by a subpar offensive line, and lose games late to Oklahoma and Texas Tech. I was at the Tech game.

2003 - A rebuilding year, but one that included a loss to Arkansas at home, and another BIG loss to the Sooners, after which Vince Young started games, and the team finished the year relatively well.

2004 - Now this is the weird thing - we lost a close game to a very good Oklahoma team, and came from behind to win our last four games of the year. We came back from 35-7 to beat Oklahoma State by 21 in the best half of football I've ever seen Texas play (and I was there). Vince Young ran to convert a 4th and 18 to beat Kansas in an absolutely ridiculous play. And then there was the Rose Bowl. 11-1, no bad loss, great under pressure, and the team returns all but the All-American running back and linebacker.

The 2004 year (with a relatively young team, incidentally with two Youngs in the backfield) begs the question: Can Texas make the Leap? They are one of about 10 or 12 teams that have a chance to face USC (the two-time defending champions) in the Rose Bowl for the title. The Horns have a tough schedule - Play at Ohio State (and I'll be there - more on that later...), Oklahoma in the Cotton Bowl, and the Aggies in College Station, with few gimmes in between. They are capable of winning all the games, but it's tough to stay focused for 11 games when it's probable that EVERYONE will play their best game against you (Ah, the joys of being Texas). I think they can, but everything must go right. Vince Young must stay healthy for the big games. The passing game must improve, as must the playcalling (a sore point for many years with Greg Davis as the offensive coordinator). The defense must be better than they were last year, and they were very, very good last year. They can't let down against Missouri, Tech, or Kansas. In short, everything must go right.

Tomorrow is Football Morning. I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm something of a wreck. I care about this way too much. Should be fun...

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